Can You Feel My Heart?
“'True vulnerability has us reach the hearts of those who need to feel our authenticity and have it activate them in all the right places (even though that is hard).”
- Nicole Barton
❤️🌹CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART? 🌹❤️
TRUTH TIME: People don't always feel my heart. 💔
Last year I heard some cold hard truths (and hit up against some of my deepest fears) that I've been alchemising - in which much gold has been reclaimed. But it had been *hardcore* lessons.
Firstly, I hit up against what felt like a deep rejection by my sisters in a circle I was part of - where I fully expressed myself and I wasn't received as loving by everyone (and felt I wasn't met with love at the time, because I was in closure).
I was later told that I was the person others would 'trust least' in a room. Which baffled me given TRUTH is literally THE most important thing to me (especially as an Autistic woman) *and* also what I'm HERE for - but when I looked what was here for me (owned how I'd created it), it also makes sense because 'Naturalness' is in my Gene Keys and so I'm here to heal the shadow of that (Perfectionism shadow can have me appear as the Good Girl version of me, which can have me appear 'inauthentic' and therefore untrustworthy).
At the time this all felt so isolating and painful - and this is also territory of a feeling that comes with being a Witch - but it was hard to hear, feel and experience, nevertheless.
By another, who hit up against her own blocks, I was also branded a cult leader and received awful untruths about me plastered across social media. That was another portal in which I leaned into even deeper levels of self-love and healed rejection wounds - not just for myself but those that had been handed through my ancestral lineage.
Through all of this, I've seen that one of the biggest COSTS of me fully owning my medicine of true expression - is that I can be received as TRIGGERING when I dose full power. [And that's most certainly not the intention I serve with, but it's *always* an invitation for you to go deeper into what's there for you.]
The thing I want people to know is, it doesn't land easily on me to be here for THAT. At all. It takes COURAGE and VULNERABILITY. It requires me to choose - over and over again - for me to speak the truth that's in my heart. Even when people don't feel my heart. Because my deepest wound is that of being rejected and not loved for being authentic.
It's also as simple as: if I DON'T speak truth, I can feel the impact ripple into my body in ways I'm no longer available for 🌹
So I was told a few times last year, that I'm received at times as cold and not vulnerable. That people can't *feel* me.
And it hurts (or it did - but it was also potent medicine to receive this gift of raw honesty).
It hurt because the one thing I deeply believe in is people being medicine.
And because I know that to be true, I long for women to *feel* my heart. To feel the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that I am full of for them [including when they project onto me things that aren't true - because, in case you didn't know, I'm not a heartless, untrustworthy cult leader 🌹 ].
And, for those who DO feel my heart (and fortunately there are plenty of those - including many of my clients, who tell me I offer the most unconditional love they've ever experienced):
FOR THOSE WHO DO, I AM MEDICINE.
This includes some of those who reflected these things to me so graciously, to whom I'm so appreciative - and working through it with them to develop deeper intimacy through raw truth was so healing. Because that's not available in many places in this work - but it's available in my containers and the containers I move in.
I am medicine because my HEART is medicine.
❤️ OUR hearts are medicine. Collectively.
Vulnerability and truth are necessary.
Firstly because we are only able to heal and alchemise from truth. And secondly, because true vulnerability has us reach the hearts of those who need to feel our authenticity and have it activate them in all the right places (even though that is hard).
When a woman gets to know the REAL me, she feels my heart and opens to receive the love that's truly here.
So, some of you may receive me as cold, solitary, untrustworthy (or even a cult leader ) - and I've landed at a new level of peace with that.
Because not everyone will love my true expression. And if they don't, that can be medicine for me - AND for them to see what is being reflected about them - or not, depending what they choose.
It's also medicine for my women, who often hit up against the same fear: "omg what if people HATE my full expression?"
Truth is - they probably will. If you're here to be a Feminine healing LEADER, you're not here to be loved by EVERYONE - you're here to lead a MOVEMENT. And you will be resisted in that [at least if you do it WELL ].
That doesn't make it easy to HOLD. The work is to sift between what is true and what is untrue. To find the lessons - the gold.
And to learn to LOVE OURSELVES in all the places where it feels hard to be rejected in our expression.
It was pure medicine for me last year. Initiating me into a new level of TRUTH and EXPRESSION that was needed, truly, to serve the next level of my mission on earth.
So, I'll be here, open hearted, loving you all. Tending my fear and serving my medicinal truth, with the deepest of love.
With a full heart of love for ALL of you. 🌹
Really, it's all medicine and love.
Are you feeling my heart now? ❤️
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
