Do you dare to dream your wild dreams? 🐺
Is it time to let the soft animal of your body love what she loves?
“Bone by bone, hair by hair, Wild Woman comes back. Through night dreams, through events half understood and half remembered...”
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
Years ago, I was not living my unapologetic wildest dreams and desires as a healer. I didn't even resonate with the idea of being ‘wild’ (quite honestly, the idea terrified me).
There were lost pieces of my wild soul, wounded and shattered, hidden out of sight in my ‘shadow bag’ of wounding, that I’d suppressed and shoved behind me, never to be seen again.
Secretly, I deeply feared *rejection* and I felt *unworthy* - inside and out. I was full of shame.
I felt like I was constantly being judged as ‘not enough’, I was living in fear of being outcast for being my true, soft, intuitive, gentle Feminine self. I sought out approval, I feared being called ‘selfish’ or ‘wierd’ - and I wouldn’t let *anyone* see the emotionally explosive side of me who occasionally crept out when I was overwhelmed. Oh my, I’d have been mortified if anyone could see the wild ‘animal’ I felt I was when I was in that expression (then I judged myself as ‘too much’ as well as ‘not enough’).
On the outside, I was living my dream, in the perfect pictures I shared of my life, my dream wedding, my ‘on fire’ career - and even my travels across the world - but on the inside, I shamed myself for who I really was, feeling lost and alone, mid-divorce (after a 3 year marriage) and recovering from being outcast from a (married into) family who told me that they had “never loved me, but they’d try”. In one moment, I hugged the person who told me that, feeling grateful that they were ‘trying’ to love me, at least. In the next moment, I flipped my dining room table upside down in a mist of rage, and threw all my husband’s shoes out the door into the street because he ‘hadn’t stood up for me’ (sharing that feels vulnerable, even still - and I’m doing so because it shows how far I’ve come in my healing).
I was ‘wild’ inside - but I judged and shamed it away until it couldn’t be seen on the outside, because it wasn’t coming out as people would have judged as ‘healthy’ - it was bursting out explosively as an expression of my wild wounding.
I would never have imagined, back then, that I could become the tender hearted, intuitive, natural, alive, magical, wild, authentic woman I am today. I never thought that I could leave the marriage I felt so ‘caged’ in, and follow my heart and soul into my true, authentic expression of the life that I really longed for. I felt it was ‘impossible’. I was terrified of the very thought of it.
But in my wildest unapologetic dreams - oh, so deep in my bones - oh yes, did I slowly and tenderly allow myself to begin to open my heart to dreaming of a life that I longed for in my bones.
I began to allow myself to dream of a new life, in which I am getting married to my soulmate in Bali and travelling for a month there, working nomadically - a life in which I became a successful healer, a life in which I lived in my dream location, in which I spent more time in nature, in which I was nourished with healthy vegan and gluten free food and chemical-free body products, a life in which I had formed bonds with soul sisters and had a ‘wolf pack’, a life in which I began to howl under the light of the moon, and didn’t feel shame for the truth of who I was.
As Clarissa says, “bone by bone, hair by hair, Wild Woman always comes back.”
Yet, I didn’t *always* allow myself to feel those wild dreams; it took some deep healing work and soul reclamation - some uncovering, some tender loving of the young inner child parts of me that felt these dreams were ‘too big’, or ‘impossible’ - or ‘unwelcome’.
Oh, how I felt relief flood me as I began to tenderly allow the soft animal of my body to simply love what she loved - without any shame or guilt.
Beginning with allowing myself to open my heart to the wild parts of me that I deeply resisted and feared.
And what I learned, as I did that, was that the more I allowed myself to even make *contact* with my true inner desires, the more the universe opened up the next breadcrumb of opportunity for me to step tenderly, small step after small step, and begin to actually open my heart to the woman I longed to be.
I became the healer I am today by healing my fears around expressing my natural self.
Because it is our access to our wild (natural) desires that we begin to create our lives differently - if we allow ourselves to. It is the ‘wild imagining’ that we allow ourselves to tenderly begin to access, as we journey with Archetypal She-Wolf and her nurturing, self-mothering, radical body-honouring and hearing of our soul’s truth, that helps us to slowly, and steadily, begin to open our hearts, just even a little bit more deeply to the more truthful, soul-aligned, life and deeper purpose we know is calling to us in our bones.
And that is possible to do WITHOUT obliterating our lives, without having to attack others, or feel attacked, and just beginning to tenderly open to more being revealed about what our true desires even are.
[Just to be clear, although I chose to leave my marriage, I’m most definitely not saying you have to up and leave everyone - that was just my journey; I’ve since come to learn how to unleash my wildness within the world I’m in - from the deepest of love, and how that has us met, seen, felt and heard much more deeply - without obliterating our foundations, unless that’s what’s truly aligned].
You see, we can’t *rush* our souls - Wild Woman comes back slowly as Clarissa said, “through night dreams, events half understood, and half remembered”. But we can begin to open to the tender first steps of healing with She-Wolf to peel back the layers and reveal what our wild souls truly desire beyond the conditioning we've (innocently) trapped ourselves in - especially where we haven’t allowed ourselves to access this part of us before.
I know that if I hadn’t allowed myself to even begin that journey somewhere - even in a small way - I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Because the more we learn to start small in taking steps into opening to honour our souls, the easier it becomes to start making the bigger steps.
Forward to now, and:
🐺 I’m the fully-expressed woman who goes out for a wild wander, alone in the dark, to my tree, sitting in ceremony with my menstrual blood on my forehead, dancing under the light of the moon, naked, wild, truthful, connected and free. Ayyhoooooo.
🐺 I’m the fully-expressed Feminine woman who has booked my wedding to my King - the real, true soul deep ‘love of my life’ - in the wild jungle of Bali - and who is working there as a nomad later this year for a month before enjoying our wedding and honeymoon.
🐺 I’m the fully-expressed woman who has navigated the depths of being judged as a ‘charlatan’, or a ‘cult leader’ (honestly, if you know me, you’re wondering ‘how’, right?!), for the truth I speak as a magical healer and leader - and courageously and vulnerably owned my part in how that was created, whilst *still* showing up to speak truth wrapped up in the DEEPEST of love to serve women in their healing (ask those who have experienced my journeys).
🐺 I’m the fully-expressed woman who has owned my truth as a healer, and models permission for other healers to start to do the same, at their soul’s own pace, from love.
You see, my love, I know ‘rejection’, I know ‘containment,’ I know the entrapment of living a life just isn’t truly *ours* - and I also know the fears of losing approval, control and security for simply being ourselves.
And I also know that we can survive them - and thrive through them - and tenderly become the healers, and the magical women, our souls were born to be, if we lean in gently.
So, I’m curious - if you allow yourself to give yourself *radical* permission - just for a moment, to tune into your wild heart, what’s the ONE WILD DESIRE for your life that you feel most strongly?
And will you love yourself let the soft animal of your body love that, and your Wild Woman come back, bone by bone, hair by hair, through night dreams, through events half understood, and half remembered?
Click reply and let me know what arises for you in that enquiry - I’d love to hear.
Reclaiming our inner wildness is one of the surface ‘healer’ wounds often in the way of sensitive women opening to their deeper purpose - fearing your true expression doesn’t mean you’re not cut out to be a healer, it just means there’s just more healing to do of your inner wounded healer.
If you’d like tenderly begin to heal this at your soul’s pace, in a fully supported and held heart-opening exploration of what your wild soul truly longs for, then join us in our upcoming journey with Archetypal Lupa (She-Wolf), to begin to gently heal the wounds in the way of you fully embracing your gifts.
CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PLACE IN CIRCLE
By the way, I know the ‘wolf’ gets ‘bad press’, sometimes. She can be an Archetypal Remedy that brings up more fear than, say, the ‘Rose’ or ‘Gold’ that we’ve served before - and so I want you to know that we will be working with a specific aspect of her. In particular, we will work with her self-mothering nurturing energy (as a protective mama wolf) - the Archetypal essence of ‘Lac lupinum’ (or She-Wolf mama’s milk) - soft, tender, yet Feminine, intuitive and natural - to reclaim your wildness from LOVE.
Finally, I want you to know that all of you is so very welcome in my space - I’m here to hold you, so if you’ve any questions at all, please do click reply and I’ll hold you in whatever is arising for you.
All my love,
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
