How Listening Deeply Can Transform Our Lives
About 5 years ago, I was deeply suffering in a life that didn’t feel like it was my own, but felt more as if it were a bad dream. I remember feeling a sense of hopelessness, and much of the time it manifested as anger. I was getting married, which should have felt like a time of joy, but it wasn’t, because my in-laws didn’t like me, and had told me this, and my husband-to-be had apologized to them for me. I had also set up a business helping people with alternative therapies that I offered in the most beautiful wooden chalet in the Warwickshire countryside, which I loved, but that was keeping me exhausted as I had a busy schedule, and in honesty, I hadn’t set the business up in a way that worked for me, and it left me constantly seeking the next self-help fix. I was, in fact, training in London two days a week in another therapy I was learning – homeopathy – as well as working in my business for 12 hours a day for 3 full days a week, giving my all to my lovely clients. All of this was during my recovery from having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, in which I had burned out from too much stress. What I hadn’t yet realised was that I was replacing my brand management career with my own business, and still running round like a headless chicken trying to please everyone. I was anxious, angry and sad, constantly lost in thought.
I remember the day this began to change as if it was yesterday. When I was suffering, I didn’t know that I simply needed to be heard. At the time, I was just feeling deeply uncomfortable, sad and afraid, and all I knew was that I really wanted to stop what was going wrong for me, and live a different life. I might not have termed it this way, but I was seeking to find freedom from my suffering in order to live a life I loved. I’d trained in every self-help method possible, to no avail, and I was disillusioned. But, then, after a chance meeting with a Life Mentor, a whole different feeling bubbled up.
“I hadn’t known it, but all I had really ever needed was nothing more than someone to hold my hand and deeply listen. In that space, I began to hear myself for the first time – and I saw even more deeply that it wasn’t really that I needed someone else to listen to me, as they asked me ‘are you listening to yourself?’”
I hadn’t known it, but all I had really ever needed was nothing more than someone to hold my hand and deeply listen. Along the way, I met a Mentor who simply had a nice feeling about her. Instead of following logic, for once, I instead felt drawn to this beautiful serene energy. I just knew I wanted more of this feeling that seemed to come from her. And the interesting thing was that there was no logical tool, technique or understanding to grasp - which I’ll admit seemed a little odd at first as I was so used to following steps to healing - but she had a sense of calm, of peace and of grounded stability. What I later came to see was that all she was really doing was holding space to listen deeply to me. Not the kind of listening that we do whilst we are scrolling Facebook or Instagram and responding, but really seeing me; there’s a huge difference. She cut straight through to seeing who I was, and it offered me a chance to really drop into the beautiful feeling for myself. Turns out, it didn’t come from her, but me!
In that space, I began to hear myself for the first time – and I saw even more deeply that it wasn’t really that I needed her to listen to me, as she asked me “are you listening to yourself?” She was also somehow able to convey how I could feel settled anytime by explaining a little bit about how the mind works - in a different way to how I had ever heard before - that simply changed everything; it offered the missing link I had been seeking. In that place of just simply ‘being’, for the first time in my entire life, I dropped out of my head and into my heart, and reconnected to my own wisdom. It was as if, almost entirely overnight, something awoke in me and changed my entire mindset. And it’s so simple, too. All she did was point me back to my true connectedness - my true possibility – and it set me free. Over the years, I have listened more and more deeply, and more and more transformation has occurred. I now know that when I am feeling discomfort or having a negative experience of life that it is coming from within me. It is actually little to do with the external circumstances which I perceive to be causing my feelings, and everything to do with how I am applying meaning to them – and I know that really, none of this matters, because who I am is not the discomfort or the negativity. We are so much more – and, even better, I can still choose to be who I want to be.
Now, I pay much less attention to my narratives, and I’ve transformed my life – I live in London, house sit as a nomad, travel the world, speak at events and festivals and I’ve stepped out into who I really am. I have a new relationship that fulfils me and is much more connected, knowing that what people think is less important – and that I don’t really need any of it as love comes from me anyway, but I can still choose it. I also have no illness, a much better work-life balance (though I do love my job so it’s easy to get carried away!), and more capacity for joy to just bubble up from nowhere.
I share this, this new decade, because I want to show you what’s possible. I want to highlight the power of deep listening for your own self-rediscovery, your own mental health, and your own capacity for joy. There is so much potential for you to have the life you want – and if you don’t want to change anything, you can simply fall more deeply in love with the life you already have! No changing, fixing or ‘doing’ required. Imagine the happiest day of your life, mixed with the excitement of your birthday as a child, and know that this was always coming from you, not the events that you think made these happy times. It’s all still in there, we just get a little drawn away from it at times. These days, I know I am resilient enough to handle whatever comes my way, and I allow life to unfold, living from the heart. I fill my days with joy and carve out time to listen for my own wisdom instead of looking externally. We don’t need to fix or change ourselves, we are already perfect. I know now that this magic has the potential to allow everyone to find the same freedom, peace, love and joy that I found in it.
And so, as I launch new offerings for 2020, I wanted to create from the heart. My deep listening initiation began with a half day one-to-one wandering round a beautiful park engrossed in beautiful conversation, and it was the most transformational experience - as simple as it sounds. Getting lost in nature, and learning from the wisdom of the earth is the best way to really, truly see something different. Over the festive season I got clarity that I only want to offer what I really fall in love with myself. So, with the power of deep listening in mind, I have developed a series of Deep Listening Intensives – kind of mini half-day one-to-one retreats for the soul – which simply reconnect you to your truthful, peaceful and joyful possibility. Whether to help you find freedom from anxiety, depression or overwhelm, to cope with and recover from chronic illness, to simply find some inner peace following a relationship breakdown, or to tap into your own truly creative potential with the hopes of changing career and setting up a business, this intensive will be the thing that sets you in motion from a beautiful place of connection this January – and there are no hard goals to set, there’s no striving, forcing or working hard. Let’s just settle down and listen deeply, together, dream about what’s possible and I’ll hold your hand whilst we walk into seeing something new.
These tailored mini-retreats are available face to face in Warwickshire, London and Online, and I’ve got a special investment offer on these Intensives until either 1st February 2020 or until the first 10 people have booked – whichever comes first - and then the price goes back up. As an added bonus, I’ll also throw in a beautiful and special gift worth £10 to the first 10 who book before Feb, so don’t miss your spot – I can only work with a limited amount of people for this! All you need to do for this offer is book and pay and we can arrange your date once that’s done.
FIND OUT MORE AND BOOK HERE:
Book Warwickshire
Book London
Book Online
If you’re interested, I’m happy to have a chat beforehand as we can bespoke these however you like, so just ask – and, because I love this new way of working so much, it is also now incorporated free of charge into my exciting 3 Month ‘Possibility’ Programme if you’re really keen to dive in!
With much love, and a huge open heart,
Nicole x
PS, you can also engage in some ‘deep listening’ in our new, inspiring and empowering FREE Online Self Rediscovery Summit, with some amazing speakers, starting January 10th 2020, by clicking on the image below to sign up:
