Is it time to welcome lost parts of you home?
"The Secret Witch didn't come here for a mundane life...”
~ Nicole Barton
It might sound a strange thing to say but my wedding, in my previous marriage, was a huge trauma for my sensitive soul - one that actually, at the time, had my soul bounce out of my body, because I didn't know how to regulate my nervous system back then and tend my little girl. One that had me deny my sensitivity and magic, and power, in order to stay safe, in control and approved of.
I remember being told by my in-laws-to-be that they "didn't like me, but they'd try", as my then partner apologised to his father for me asking for everyone to get along. My "witchiness" wasn't really welcome, my magic and my voice described as "weird" and my power having to be given up in order to fit into a family where men made all the choices (I later saw how I'd created this, that's one for another day).
Some women would have batted this off, but I was sensitive. My heart breaks, when I think back, for the younger version of me who simply hugged them and thanked them for "trying" to like me, and strived to do more to be loved and worthy and fit in, whilst she felt like she was out of her body, watching over as it all happened - literally having an "out of body" experience.
I was a different woman back then; one who innocently contorted and people-pleased, shamed herself and did anything for people to like her - likely because of my early childhood experience of feeling rejected by my father, who left the family home when I was age four. Being "outcast", feeling very natural to a Secret Witch (who doesn't know her power and magic), but equally heart-breaking in the way it manifested me hiding my deepest most magical gifts - not directly and consciously but because they weren't able to be seen when I wasn't even meeting my basic needs and I was too busy trying to be loved. I was selling my soul - shoving my true expression down, shaming my sensitivity, true needs and gifts.
And the part of me that sold my soul in my previous marriage to stay approved of and feel 'safe', has made herself known to me again recently, through a healing I had, and in post-healing integration, which has provided all the Material for my Liberation (I've pretty much been reliving the trauma minute by minute so I can begin to choose differently).
I share this because - back then - I never would have been able to welcome this part of me with the love and tending I can now (and I'll be honest, it's still a challenge - our work is our work is our work).
Healing and alchemising this has required me to soften, open and lovingly hold my little girl as she comes back into my skin and bones; her pure essence wanting to be seen, felt and loved, so that she's safe to stay - whilst she's been also raging, seething and feeling unsafe in case she has to bounce away again in a hurry. It's required everything of me to love her and open to choose a different story this time.
And I share this because I know, first hand, the loving courage, the vulnerability and the level of tending that's required to be able to go into the radical honesty of true, deep soul healing.
I know the courage it takes to not fix, not shame, not hide, but to tenderly welcome and love parts of ourselves that both want to be seen and simultaneously don't want to be seen.
It requires us to open to look in the darkness, to confront what is scary and to learn to love ourselves (which often isn't as glamorous as it sounds).
It requires us to begin to connect with our truth - not the truth we've learned is acceptable, but the *real* messy truth that's often buried under layers of unconscious patterning.
I know the importance of this, too, for a sensitive woman who's ready to stop contorting herself, diminish her No and begin to see her Yeses - the deeper fire burning in her belly, yearning for *more* magic and aliveness.
Perhaps more importantly, I know, too - all too well - the deep *costs* of us *not* choosing this - the pains that start to show in our bodies as we keep saying 'Yes' (too many times) to what we really mean 'No' to, the anxiety and overwhelm that we feel as we run around living a life that's not really ours, the frazzled feeling of sensory overload, the feeling of a part of us - that we can't quite put a finger on - being "missing". The disconnection from our truth, and others, as we armour ourselves to get through the day. The feeling of loss and grief that comes with denying parts of ourselves that *we* have been innocently rejecting.
I can honestly say that whilst the journey I've walked to reclaim my soul has been one of me journeying deeply into my own wisdom, I could not have done that without the support of a guide. Our shadow is our shadow for a reason; largely because shadow is the fears that lie in the darkness, unseen and not wanted to be confronted - and largely it's a challenge to see these parts ourselves.
This is why it is so important to my heart to pass on this gift of guidance - to hold women as they, too, venture tenderly into their own souls, reclaiming their lost pieces. Slowly, softly, tenderly, courageously - in an honouring of the lost fire that wants tending to burn them back to life again.
You see, the Secret Witch didn't really come here for a half-hearted mundane life; she came here to be of deep service as a healer, teacher or guide - a medicine woman, with a fire in her belly for a life of more magic, power and truth. She didn't come here to burn at the stake, she came to burn brightly and shine the torch for others, lighting the way.
*You* came here to shine as your unique soul's gifts.
I feel your heart, if you're feeling you have to contort, if you feel your needs are "too much", if you hit up against fear in your journey towards becoming a magical one - and really all it means is, you're here to be a healer, and there's still tender loving healing to do so you can unleash your inner fire and passion.
It simply means that the knowing you had is right; you *DID* come here for *more* magic than you're currently living... And it's so possible for you to create life differently, tenderly and at your soul's pace.
I've two rare spaces opened up in September to work with me 1:1, where I'll lovingly hold you as you reclaim your own wisdom, make brave and powerful choices and learn to tend your inner little girl so that you too can reclaim the lost parts of your Feminine soul and find that sense of deeper connection, aliveness and fire.
If you're feeling the call, reach out via email reply info@nicolebarton.co.uk and we can explore if it's a fit for you, courageous one - I'm here to hold your heart as you journey.
It's time to welcome you home.
All my love,
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
