Are you being called to learn how to create from Feminine Soul?
“Nature loves courage. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.”
~Terrance McKenna
Stress, fear, doubt and shame were always big things for my Secret Witch, who didn't know her own power. I'd feel frequently overwhelmed, live in fear, and often not see my needs, let alone meet them, leaving me burning out. I often felt trapped in a mundane life, always hoping that one day I'd fix myself.
At the time, I dabbled in magic, via aromatherapy, reiki, natural medicine and manifestation, often having successes of creating small (and sometimes large) manifestations - but then equally I'd end up still living a day to day life I didn't really want. One often full of chaos, destruction and drama.
I tried everything to heal that pattern. I took the same approach to healing myself that I took to life - pushing, striving, forcing. Burning out. And then, eventually, I gave up and rejected all of that and found spirituality and waited for the Universe to hand me out a better deal. I was deep in fear of either way, by this point - and my confidence was lacking because I had more evidence to inform that I couldn’t create anything (mostly because from here I created chaos). And so, neither of these were helpful approaches; neither of which helped me create any real, lasting change. After all, by the end of it, I was handing over my power to the Universe almost entirely, completely bypassing and disconnecting from my human. Sitting on my bum, floating around, innocently, waiting for a break.
It wasn't until I began to tread the magical path of Soul and shadow a little bit deeper that I began to look with complete, radical, beautiful love at how I'd been innocently and unconsciously creating life from these two shadowy extremes; either forcing my way through all my creation *or* avoiding it entirely. And I began to see I'd been creating all of it. Looking here took honesty and love, and a deep grounding back into the body, because it was painful in places to see how I'd given my creative power away or harnessed in a way that was sabotaging myself.
But that journey, back into my body, back into deep love and back into conscious creation, has been the only party that has created lasting change for me. Lasting magic.
The alchemy that occurs when we open ourselves to creating from our Feminine Soul, from learning to take inspired, heart-aligned action from nudges from soul, as powerful co-creators of our lives is just magic beyond anything I've known before. I can say this hand on heart - even though I know, once, I didn’t believe it was possible to create what I longed for.
And so, because of this self-doubt, for most of my life I kept myself small. I could feel in my cells how I'd shy away from a room of people, how I'd feel unworthy of taking up space, how powerless I felt. I could feel the stress, the fear infusing my cells. And in learning to meet my Wild Creatrix (the part of me who can create magic), invoke my Feminine Mystery (the soft, open, relaxed, creative, Feminine parts of me), and rising into my Witch Queen (who knows her power), I've felt that embodied change as I've risen into my power, and taken up space in the most loving of ways to make a difference in the world.
That refocus is infused in my cells now. That alchemy, in my veins. Magic is in my blood. There's no going back now - despite the material for liberation that I still come across. My nervous system has learned to hold the tension of that; I have come to love myself enough to be with it. To not move to fix but hold the sensation of learning to love myself in everything. And the work goes on; becoming who we came here to be is no "easy-to-complete" thing, but I'm so much closer to being the woman I sensed (and doubted) I was here to be.
What this path offers is a softening into our Feminine power, a devoted way of being, a submission to living our Soul Will. And that's not a surrendering, and it's not a forcing. It's a co-creation in which we begin to discover, slowly and gently, how to live in the deepest expression of our Soul Will; being the women we came here to be. To live and create from Truth - and only Truth - and fully express our essence into the world.
From this space I've healed my relationship with food, I've healed my ("unhealable") paralysed face, I've healed relationships, and I've healed (and am always healing) my relationship with the parts of myself I'd always rejected, doubted and shamed. #allthehealing. And as well as that, I've created magic - a magical Soul business, a magical life balance, a magical team of support - and a magical, alive feeling life. I've opened my heart to love, courage and vulnerability.
And I witness my own journey and I witness this, too - as well as in those magical ones who walk this path with me. I doubted once - just as my own women often do, as they are walking the path behind me - that magic was real - I felt the fear of courageously committing to walking this path, for fear that there wouldn’t be a featherbed, as Terrance McKenna says:
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed.”
~Terrance McKenna
But as I sunk, deeper and deeper, into my Feminine Soul, I came to know that a magical life truly is possible. There really is a life beyond the mundane - and a featherbed - if we choose to allow ourselves to open our hearts to a new way of being - the way of our full, Feminine expression of Soul.
Magic is real, when we know how to harness it intentionally and consciously, from love. When we make the commitment. Anything your heart desires is possible, when it is in deep alignment for you. I know, because I've lived it and I feel the difference in my cells.
You might doubt that this is possible for you, but if you’re feeling a call, I’m currently open for Alchemy Calls to explore if you’re meant to be with us in Invoke your Feminine Mystery.
Much love
Nicole x
