I Lied - Good Girl’s Gotta Burn
The Wildness is no place for the faint-hearted, so come, but bring all your might with you. And maybe, just maybe, you will get a chance to taste your freedom."
~ Alison Napp
I LIED - GOOD GIRL'S GOTTA BURN
Let's talk about truthful self-expression.
My audience is apprehensive recently. I can feel it.
Confusion is in the air.
Where has Nicole the Pastel Swan gone? (Yes, that was an actual description reflected in my soul essence a few years ago, which triggered the shit out of me because - well, I'm no pink swan at home; not to those with whom it feels safe for me to *fully* express my full intensity, anyway).
And in honesty, Medicine Woman has come in and ripped me open. Wide.
She's made it clear that "Nicey Nicey Nicole" needs to go. Part of her needs to die (note, not all of her - I mean, I'm the very confusing amalgamation of a loving Empress - who is gracious, loving and nurturing - as well as a Witch - who likes to say *fuck* - a lot. Integrating the two into an Archetypal hybrid has been... interesting. And it can also have me received as unpredictable).
You see, Nicey Nicey Nicole wasn't really me; she was an (innocently) diluted version of me that wasn't truth.
When I've diluted myself - my raw dark truth, my sarcastic, wicked sense of humour and my intensity - I've done so out of fear of being who I really am and not being loved or approved of.
And I'll own that it has had an impact in my business - it's had women magnetised to me who are out of alignment with the depth and potency of work we do in our crucibles. And bless their hearts, they've innocently bought into Pastel Swan, who was *telling* them they needed fire, but not *modelling* why - and then they've received the medicine of Baba Yaga. (I don't even need to explain to you the outcome of that, surely?! ).
But I'm seeing now that it is so important for me to bring the REAL fire, my whole intensity, my whole truth to the world.
And that's edgy AF because not everyone will love that. In fact I already know they don't.
But I've reached a level where I'm becoming less and less available to hide myself - and I'm also becoming ok with that (this feels like the truest liberation of Secret Witch so far, and it actually moves me to tears).
Don't mistake this for me meaning I'm not loving. The love I dose is *pure* truth. My heart is wide, deep and full. It is open, it is soft, it is loving. Of all parts of you.
*And* to embody and dose that fully, my heart also has to be wide, deep and full of love for all the fierce parts of *me* that I have cast aside and hidden away.
I've thought for years that I wasn't scared to show up and share my voice. And I've seen, now, that it's because I wasn't fully sharing MY voice. I was sharing a diluted version of me.
Until now.
And so, even when my voice is crackling and spluttering (like in last night's live circle) and I'm wanting to stay small, I decree that I will show up fully as *myself.* Take this as your trigger warning
So many magical women think they've got Medicine Woman nailed (heck, even I did, until she dragged me here kicking and screaming recently).
Yet the reality is, THIS is her:
“When you take the medicine of the Baba Yaga, dark Shamaness, it changes you. When you plead with her to show you how to get back to your wild aliveness, to the state in which your rocking hips effect the shining sea, you'd better be ready.
Because your life will change. You will travel through realms of suffering to pick up the shining gems of your soul, on your way through the Forrest of Bones. You will sacrifice what you fought for because it is not the treasure you thought it was, and you will follow the chicken feet, left on the path under the moonlight to the wide open spaces you fear to tread, because you don't know how to be free, yet. No one in your family has been free for generations.
After living in captivity for many lifetimes, the roar of the wild world will make you tremble, all the while its howls stirring your ancientness deep in your belly, compelling you to create something so new that it seems as if the sky is making it happen.
The Wildness is no place for the faint-hearted, so come, but bring all your might with you. And maybe, just maybe, you will get a chance to taste your freedom." ~ Alison Nappi
Medicine Woman is dark, let me tell you.
She is more liberational than even I could have imagined.
Will you take the medicine of Baba Yaga?
I dare you
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
