Choosing To Be The Real, Vulnerable ‘You’ Is Edgy - What’s Your Safeword?
“Knowing what your soft edge is, is a bit like creating your own personal safe word.”
~ Nicole Barton
CHOOSING TO BE THE REAL, VULNERABLE 'YOU' IS EDGY - WHAT'S YOUR SAFEWORD?
I leaned into another kinky edge recently with sharing my voice. And something I've come to see over the years is that, when we do, MAGIC is created.
I was feeling in victim to a surge of what felt like Dominatrix energy recently - which felt to leave me only in the energetic of Submissive (if you missed my last post about this, read it: I'm talking *energetics* here, not being an actual sexy Submissive, though that's always a place you can play with the dynamic ).
I was triggered.
And not in a fiery way, but in the way of tying myself up in knots, feeling lost, disempowered and confused - and hiding my voice and what I really wanted to say (Note: shadow fear will show up in ways that don't always LOOK like fear).
My Guide asked me a simple question: "where have you felt this dynamic before?"
Great question: in my old marriage, when I hit up against not being liked by my in-laws, and by my dad.
Ugh, wounding! (#obvs).
What Secret Witches don't yet see is there is always possibility to create *differently* to our usual wounded trauma patterns.
In this case, as I wobbled around bouncing between Domme and Sub in relation to what I was experiencing, I saw that this was an opportunity - and a *choice* point.
Because I hadn't consciously chosen into being Submissive.
And because we ALWAYS have a choice.
The choice was:
Do I want to step beyond the Sub or the Domme and create from SOUL and TRUTH?
OR
Do I want to stay in the kinky pleasure I get from unconsciously CHOOSING to be a Submissive in Victim to the energetic of Domination? (Yep, we get pleasure from it - I mean it wouldn't be a sexual dynamic if we didn't, right?)
And so, with shaky legs and a tight chest, and my throat closing over, I leaned into meeting my edge, and consciously chose (knowing the risks and costs) to OPEN my heart and share my voice.
My truth.
Me.
Real. Me.
Clean of Shadow Me.
And not from a place of "stop dominating me".
There was no blame.
Only: "I want to share vulnerably that I feel like this."
Me of LOVING TRUTH.
Me that was consciously co-creating a new energetic dynamic.
It was a 7/10 edge for me. A soft edge - which is how they are best met whilst tending our Nervous Systems.
KNOWING WHAT YOUR SOFT EDGE IS, IS A BIT LIKE CREATING YOUR OWN PERSONAL SAFE WORD.
That's helpful to know because when we know we can cultivate that security in ourselves, we can choose to meet whatever edge is aligned.
The best bit? When I shared, vulnerably and courageously, I was met with pure, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Which reminded my nervous system that when we do choose differently and claim our power WITH LOVE, it is SAFE.
TRUTH BOMBS:
1. When we PAUSE in our wounding and interrupt our usual dynamic - we can choose differently.
2. CHOOSING differently will not feel full of "ease" - it will feel edge AF - and that's STILL SAFE (not least because we are choosing it consciously)
3. When we do "choose out" of Domme or Sub (and there are plenty of times I've been in the Domme end of this dynamic), we get to reveal our REALNESS.
On the other side of this pattern of avoiding being YOURSELF is freedom to speak your truth, co-create more loving relationships, an honouring of your own soul's needs and desires and deep reclamation of your power. As well as a softening into your Feminine heart that feels like "aaaaahhhhhhhhhh" to your body.
In my experience there's way more PLEASURE in that.
This is my life's work to guide women into.
It starts with illuminating the pattern of the Domme/Sub pole.
Where does it show up for you?
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
