Integrating “Am I Enough?”
“We have been taught that we should "wait" to feel powerful before we act, when the TRUTH is we have to CULTIVATE our inner POWER.”
- Nicole Barton
⚡🖤 INTEGRATING THE "AM I ENOUGH?" ⚡🖤
Our healing is never complete.
I share this because I know, firstly, that some women can put me on a pedestal thinking that I have already "done the work" and assume I am "healed" - when the reality is, our healing lasts a lifetime, because our core wounds are those we've been called to work with this time around.
[And, to be honest, at the other end of that same shadow pole, others sometimes persecute me, and think they've already "done the work" and don't see the value in being guided at all - but that's one for another time ].
So yesterday, I journeyed with another level of a wound that I've journeyed through before - and which I know came up for me as I began to step into the role of Leader as a healer.
🖤 "AM I REALLY ENOUGH?"
Most of the women I've interviewed recently have suffered this block.
And where I once couldn't really see that this was something showing up for me - and even if I could, I had no idea how to work with it - my experience of this fear when it shows up NOW is very different.
Before, my fear was not being "enough" to lead small groups of women into magic and healing. That required deep embodiment and integration of my leader, and I wasn't sure I had the power. I did, and it was a huge journey.
And then the Empress called me into my next level vision: creating an Empire and birthing a modality to guide many women into learning to leading others to healing with their spiritual gifts.
❌ And what I want you to know is, that just because I've liberated this once, the fear doesn't disappear - BUT our relationship with it CHANGES.
The same wound shows up, in a different spiral - my fear yesterday was "Am I really enough to create and birth a whole healing modality?"
And the truth is - like all other times - I have no idea. All I know is that this is where my soul has called me to, and that I continually choose to submit to that (because I've learned by now that this is the only way to create from alignment).
🔥 My work, like yours, is too learn to hold the sensation of that contraction and keep loving myself in that wound so I can show up and keep walking.
One thing I DO know by now is that women so often think they have to 'wait' until they feel 'enough' before they can get started.
❌ And that's a FALSE belief that will have you waiting your whole life to feel your power before you begin.
🖤 We have been taught that we should "wait" to feel powerful before we act, when the TRUTH is we have to CULTIVATE our inner POWER.
And that's not to say that we should just jump in and teach what we haven't yet embodied - one of my biggest lessons about creating a Feminine healing business has been that of coming to know the deep importance of ONLY teaching what we have embodied for ourselves (there are always people right behind us in our journey who want to learn from us). So I'm not advocating that women just "feel the fear and do it anyway", if they haven't actually embodied what they are teaching.
I know, deep down, I have embodied enough to be teaching and guiding women from integrity. It's not a lack of power on my behalf. The real block is that my Secret Witch (who doesn't remember her Magic and Power) can forget this and goes into her "Power shadow" - which means she can wind up with the story of "this gift is too big for me".
🔥 And if I wasn't aware of and didn't know how to heal that, I'd feel very stuck.
💖 Because I chose the work, I don't feel that way.
That's why I do the work I do - to help women with this wounding around their Feminine power and magic.
This story creeps up on me less and less these days, because I've done a lot of work to heal and love these parts of me that doubt myself. When it does show up, I love the innocent part of myself that is trying to keep me safe, and I allow the experience. And then I refocus on my vision.
⚡ Because I've done the work to embody the energetic that I'm rising into
⚡ Because I'm allowing myself to step into my power. And I'm doing the work to love myself in the fear of what that requires of me.
🖤 I simply know "am I enough?" is a symptom of how my shadow shows up to tell me I need to be scared of my power.
There's an elevation there that is healing.
And so, yesterday, I caught it, noticed it, breathed into it, and chose to love it and tend it. It became a source of inspiration for this post instead of the terrifying fear that it once would have been.
This is what is possible as we truly learn to love the scared parts of us that don't feel worthy, that are scared of our power and that want us to play small.
Because that's really what this is about.
And you have the power to start healing and choosing differently.
So, what's your fear of "being enough" about?
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
