“My Gifts Feel Too Big For Me”
“As we more deeply devote to our Feminine soul, and expand into love, and though the challenges become greater, it does actually become more easeful if we choose it that way.”
~ Nicole Barton
🌹⚡"MY GIFTS FEEL TOO BIG FOR ME" ⚡🌹
I remember the first really BIG time that my little girl kicked off and melted down about me fully choosing to step into my gifts to create a legitimate business from them.
The first time my 'hobby' business - my spiritual gifts - became professional, serious, a real thing that I chose consciously to OWN that way.
🖤 TRUTHBOMB: it wasn't a moment of ease, or grace, like much 'woo lite' will proclaim - it wasn't a case of just 'trusting the Universe'.
I tried that for a long time too, and essentially - whilst it's a very NECESSARY part of the journey to learn to lean into that deep trust of the greater - it's also often misunderstood and taught in ways that has us hand over our power. Side note: there's a NUANCE to learn here when we journey into the 'woo deep'.
But far away from ease, I remember this particular experience in vivid recall. I was sobbing my way through my session with my Soul Guide a few years ago - adamantly telling him that I just COULD NOT lean into the fear.
❌ It was "too much, too big - I wasn't enough, I wasn't capable."
❌ I was in victim to my 'Plan B' (which at the time was a standing joke that I'd go and be a Bin Woman 😂) but this time I wasn't laughing - it really looked to me as though all my reasons why I couldn't fully step into my gifts were valid.
❌ At the time, it looked like my biggest fear was money and investing in myself - I didn't think I could create it from my business - but it was actually a deeper fear of my power.
🖤 I felt broken. I literally felt as though I was a failure whose whole life has crumpled up before her.
And even though I had SAID that I was devoted before - I had no real understanding of what that word meant. What that actually *required* of me.
Which was that we choose to continually show up and walk in the direction of our vision - even and especially when we hit up against the fears that all inevitably come up as we step into our gifts.
My guide at the time didn't collapse into rescuing me. And that wasn't something I liked because I loved to enrol people onto the Victim Triangle with me to rescue me. I'd been used to society jumping into try and fix me. He actually sat in silence with me, in love, as I sobbed, telling me "this isn't true, Nicole". That added a level of anger into the mix because it felt true to my human little girl, who wanted to play small.
My little girl just wanted to stay safe, bless her heart. 💔
I share this because there's so much beating up of ourselves as we step into the journey of being our gifts - so much pushing, forcing, and then on the opposite end of that polarity, so much avoiding and non-action.
♥️ And all of it is a deeper call for love.
Not a deeper call to 'stay safe' and 'not choose the thing' (as often women do, unconsciously, when fear arises), but a deeper invitation to learn to lead OURSELVES and tend all the unconscious blocks to you reclaiming your Feminine Power and Magic.
Your own little girl wants you to CULTIVATE the inner safety she's longing for, powerfully, for yourself.
She doesn't really want you to choose the 'easy option' of Plan B (is it ever really that much easier?!) - she wants you to relax, soften, open, and HOLD HER vulnerably in her fears.
She wants LOVE.
She wants TRUTH.
Love and truth are the true, deep alchemy here - and not the self-love kinda way taught in 'woo lite' - but the deep, real, truthful, honest kind of love of your little girl in her wounds.
♥️ The willingness to truly be with her fears and wounds and let her know they are heard, that how she feels is understandable and lovable, and yet they are also not true.
When we learn to go into the deeper wounds that are showing up - the deeper fears and blocks beyond the surface appearance - and love ourselves in them, tenderly, it becomes way easier to choose devotion to the gifts we were born here to live out.
So much of the personal development world and the 'woo lite' world doesn't guide women into this fully - it's the deep, dark, messy, raw, vulnerable, courageous way of returning ourselves to fullness (rather than relying on others to fix us or rescue us).
♥️ It's the true frequency of love.
I share this because if I had to start my spiritual business over, and I had to share what I'd do to create a legitimate professional business from my gifts, the first thing I'd do is learn to love all the parts of myself that are scared - to love my child in all her wounds, shame and fears - so I could open to life and my powerful, magical vision.
🌹 As an Archetypal Apothecary Remedy, this would be the work we do with embodying the energetic of the Rose.
🌹 Learning to open, in our contractions, is the most valuable tool an aspiring spiritual entrepreneur can have.
Because building a Feminine Spiritual business is an initiation and love is the one thing that allows us to be in the true deeper devotion of our hearts.
And that's REQUIRED when fear shows up, so you can still choose your dreams ♥️
The outcome of this particular fear for me was that following this meltdown, I chose on a deeper level to devote fully to my vision - and I went on to create my thriving soul business from my gifts, hired a team, built my Queendom (and though it's not the moral of the story, because powerfully creating a business from deep alignment, mid fear, is the true gold ⭐ in this, I also earned the most I'd ever earned in my life). I liberated the scared parts of me and built evidence to inform my confidence that I COULD do this.
Now I guide other aspiring leaders to do the same, and hold them through meeting their own edges. And I'm still holding the sensation of the deeper layers of my same power wounding as I step into birthing my new modality - with the same fears, just an expanded level of them.
Our wounds are our wounds. They're what we were born here for, because they are also our medicine.
The difference now, is, I know how to tend that little girl and love her, and stay devoted to taking the aligned action towards my soul's vision. 🪄
The irony is, as we more deeply devote to our Feminine soul, and expand into love, and though the challenges become greater, it does actually become more easeful if we choose it that way.
How far are you building your capacity to devote? 🌹
Photo: a rose from my ritual of even deeper devotion to creating my business from LOVE, this week.
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
