Who is ready for real truth?

Who is ready for real truth?

“Ultimately, no matter what decision we are making, what circumstance we are in or what external thing is feeling to attack us, we always have a choice back into our power.

~ Nicole Barton

Let's talk really honestly for a moment... (This is a long one btw, but it's a potent one too!) 🔥

And just to presence, this post is one that comes entirely from the heart, full of love - but it is also one that comes with a *trigger warning* for those who aren't yet willing to look deeply at the truth of the patterns that are actually holding them back.

If you're happy with where you are - and even if you're not but the costs of expanding into healing your wounds don't outweigh the benefits of staying in your wounding - then you probably don't want to read on.

*And* if you truly *do* want to create big shifts (like not just 'say' you do, but truly, you are willing to do *everything* required to create your vision) - if you want to truly create seriously life-changing magic - then I'm about to dose some deep truth that may be uncomfortable AF to hear, but if you can open to it, then it'll be worth it. (Know this: I've already dosed this medicine to myself). 🔥

One of the deep patterns I've illuminated and begun to dose and integrate myself recently is that of the Archetypal remedy of the Martyr. The Witch is an Archetypal shadow Marty by her very nature because she was killed for holding her beliefs. That was back in the times when it was actually dangerous to be a witch, of course. And nevertheless, despite that not being truth anymore, the Martyr mindset of the witch lingers.

I see this for myself in how I'd much rather stay a victim to someone else, persecuting them, endlessly - as if my life was difficult because of them. And this is a somewhat strange ironic energetic where the Victim ironically Persecutes the person who they see as their Persecutor, straddling two places on Karpman's Drama (Victim) Triangle (see link in comments for more on this at the end of this post).

I saw recently that this is an innocent kink I've enjoyed the benefit of my entire life, stemming from the attention and love I created from my Mum each time I'd be victim to my Dad abandoning me. It wasn't until recently I saw (thanks to Carolyn Elliott's Existential Kink method) just how much this had had me available to be victim to persecution EVERYWHERE in my life. From friendships, to my career, to family, etc.

I've been in the deep work of reclaiming my sovereignty for a few years now, and it took an almighty load of courage to look here - because I was saying I wanted to create my vision of being powerful, but deep down, I was unconsciously giving my power away to this same old Archetypal remedy's pattern - because there were secret, hidden pleasures (love, attention, kindness) I received from being the victim.

I had to look there to rise fully into my power. And let me tell you, it was ugly, and messy - until I learned to deeply love and tend this innocently created childhood pattern. My little girl was innocently creating a way to feel safe and loved when she didn't. It makes perfect sense. It's so welcome. *And* it is wounding.

I see the same pattern playing out in Witches, over and over - and the challenge I am beginning to see so clearly is that this particular pattern will be projected on to me, as a guide to my women (which is a challenge because unless they are willing to open, look at it truthfully and move through it, it makes it very difficult to serve them fully).

Its actually almost the perfect distraction away from the Secret Witch's vision (and there are huge benefits to that, too) for them to to persecute the woman their soul chose as their guide, rather than stay focused.

The Secret Witch secretly (and likely ENTIRELY unknown to herself) wants to stay on Karpman's Drama Triangle somewhere, because she gets benefits from it. It takes the fiery heart of a true Phosphoric Witch (a woman with the willingness to walk into the fire) to be able to look there with self love, so I want you to know that I love you deeply in those patterns because I have learned to love myself in them too.

The way it can commonly show up is when my women are choosing to commit to themselves. A common theme is the 'indecision' of choosing (and this could be choosing anything).

When a witch comes face to face with choosing to make a commitment to herself, she can sometimes make me the Persecutor, often to truly avoid making a decision herself. She will wobble 'in and out' of choosing, and then eventually land either at owning her shadow and making a conscious choice to commit to her vision - or she will land on the side of projecting Persecutor onto me and blame me for all of the wounds that are illuminated  - even when there's been a conscious agreement for that process (which is why I'm always insistent about how hard this process is so you can choose it fully).

The way this shows up can include:

🖤feeling like I'm trying to convince them into something

🖤doubting me

🖤not trusting me

🖤thinking I have bad motives

🖤saying that I think/have said things I've not said

thinking I'm dishonest (this is like the opposite of who I am)

feeling like I'm cold and unloving (again the opposite)

saying I remind them of their mum/dad/ex (which is always a sign of projection)

And it's all so *innocent* - which is why I love my women so deeply in this pattern (even and especially when they can't feel me doing so). What I'd want for them is to choose to open (because it truly breaks my heart when magical women who have *so* much potential don't choose it) - and the best thing for that is for them to be loved and feel that this part of them is welcome.

So why do women project 'Persecutor' on me (ie 'make everything my fault')? Well, as I said, it is so innocent - it is usually due to the following:

🖤They have wounding around their power and making choices

🖤They are scared because their wounding is surfacing for love

🖤They are triggered

🖤It's a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own power and choice

🖤They unconsciously benefit from staying in victim (more love, attention, etc)

🖤It's easier to stay on the Drama Triangle 🔺

🖤This is an unconscious pattern that's been created to keep them SAFE.

It's worth noting that I know all of this because I have bounced along this dynamic myself with my own Soul Guide (all credit to her for holding me and loving me though this - honestly, the power it requires to love a Phosphoric fiery woman in a paddy-whack about not trusting her guide is another level - something I know well myself now as our clients are always a few steps behind us in the journey).

And this is the deep knowing I come back to when I see that this is happening. I love the wounded little girl that shows up in my clients, so deeply, in her attempts to keep them safe amidst her wounding.

And I invite them into healing.

Essentially, that means I have to be very clean in my interactions with my women that I am not available to move onto the Drama Triangle 🔺 with them, as they bounce between Persecutor of me and Victim to me, because the second I join them there is the second the energetic dosing of the Archetypal Martyr Remedy - and the opportunity for deep healing and alchemy of the gold - goes out the window.

If I Rescue them it denies them the capacity to move out of victim. If I Persecute them it denies them the capacity to move out of victim. If I join them in Victim it denies them the opportunity to move out of victim. (Please hear 'victim' as 'wounds', rather than a criticism).

I have to step off the triangle altogether, soften, come into my heart and choose to pay the Sovereign price - even and especially when that often looks like it will cost me personally (in *all* the ways, including slander and financial impact).

I'm not here to join you on the triangle, but that's not because I don't love you.  I'm here to hold you in the love and true *power* you have to make a choice that is deeply the most serving for your vision.

Usually, though, that is felt as me not loving them - because I'm not showing them 'love' in ways they are used to experiencing it (it's common in our culture for love to look like Rescuer, Victim or Persecutor - aka the 🔺).  I'm instead modelling deep, unconditional love that is rare but held in the deepest expansive healing truth.

And it's one of the hardest jobs of all (especially when your natural inclination to go on the 🔺 is Rescuer and you want to wrap them up and give them a huge hug and tell them it's really going to be okay). My deepest work is not Rescuing my women from their pain.

Don't be mistaken: this takes deep work to keep choosing. I feel everything so deeply. I tend my nervous system every day to be able to dose the truthful (and often extremely difficult) medicine I dose to my women. To show up as my full power.

Expressing truth - my medicine - is not 'easy' for me at all. I bawl my eyes out after all the challenging conversations in which I've known the *only* available soul aligned action for me is to speak loving truth - very often at personal cost to myself.

I doubt myself, I fear, I wobble, I want to give up. I fear not being loved. I fear being outcast. I feel the deep pain in my own wounds of being mistrusted and demonised.

I am human.

And I am also someone who has learned that the *only* way to create what's in our hearts is to *own* our power - and I'll invite you to do the same - no matter what.

So, my loves, you are welcome to persecute and demonise me all you like - truly - it's the work I'm here to do - but know that every time you do, you're giving a bit of your true, Sovereign power away. By jumping back on the Drama Triangle.

The important thing to see here is that this jumping back on the triangle - or not - is a choice. And in choosing Persecution and Victim, there are ways this pattern will be costing you deeply:

🖤You won't be able to heal the wounding you're experiencing because you're not willing to go into it fully and provide the love your little girl is begging for

🖤Whatever you are creating will be manifest unconsciously from wounding (largely having you create what you say you don't want)

🖤From here, you likely won't be able to create your soul's vision (for as long as you are being in victim to someone else)

🖤You will be distracting away from your vision and wasting time going round in the very patterns you came here to heal and break

🖤You are giving away your power

🖤It will be exhausting (because shadow is always exhausting - if you're burned out, it's a good indication you're in wounding somewhere)

🖤It isn't who you really are - it is a mask over your true heart and self-expression

The most serving thing, truly - in fact, the only serving thing, really, is to go deeply, courageously and powerfully into the darkness of these unseen wounds and to love the innocent little girl in you who is rebelling against feeling like a victim to making the conscious choice in your heart - when you truly aren't.

This won't be a pattern that plays up only with me (or other leaders, healers, teachers, guides) - it'll be a dynamic that shows up *everywhere* in life. If you commonly find yourself Persecuting others, or feeling powerless in Victim, it's a good sign you're on the triangle rather than claiming your power.

It might show up as:

🖤Not owning your own choices, and not choosing what you really long to choose

🖤Blaming friends for letting you down

🖤Blaming your husband or partner for things that aren't really his fault

🖤Blaming family for all things that go wrong - maybe everything is always 'their fault'

🖤Persecuting others for not letting you create your business

🖤Feeling angry about money

🖤Spending a lot of time going on about what's "fair"

🖤Rebelling against and not trusting leadership that you've chosen into

🖤Feeling controlled by your children

🖤Being passive aggressive (instead of sharing what's in your heart, vulnerably and courageously)

🖤Having your focus on things that offer you sympathy or rescue you - eg consuming social posts that reinforce your victimhood - in other words, sharing a lot of posts by anyone called 'Jeff' (Foster, Brown) 😝🤣

Ultimately, no matter what decision we are making, what circumstance we are in or what external thing is feeling to attack us, we always have a choice back into our power.  We have the capacity to choose to move off the triangle at any point (no matter how far we've walked in the direction of wounds).

Usually, it requires us to actively choose to open and have the vulnerability to lean back into love and magic, instead of staying in fear. And that takes deep courage, which is why this isn't a journey for everyone.

There will *always* be someone to demonise if we look for it (I know because as I said, this is my pattern too) - but the second we do, we give our power away. And the second you do that to me, is the second that I won't join you there - because I *know*, *see* and *witness* your true, Queenly power. You're not truly a Martyr - you're a Witch Queen. In fact, paradoxically, the very reason why you're experiencing this is because you are almightily powerful. 💥

(The same goes for pedestalling, by the way, at the opposite end of the pole) - I don't want you to do that to me, either. Because the second you do, you give your power away to me in the way you're expecting me to Rescue you.)

The real invitation, always, is to see that where you are triggered, there is always gold. That doesn't mean 'dont feel it' - allow yourself to go in and in and in and in - let your little girl speak, let her be heard and seen. And know that it is also within you to choose to rise into the deep soul-led choosing of what's in your heart, no matter what the fear.

Just don't blame me so that I'm your Persecutor and you can stay the Victim (or do - that's always an option - just know that, either way, you're choosing something - you may as well make it conscious).

I'll love you, regardless. ❤️

If this is resonating (likely through some resistance) and you feel that it is where you've been (whether with me, or with other leaders, healers, teachers or guides) then know that there's so much possibility for you to heal this dynamic pattern and reclaim your power and life force energy that has been being drained in this rebellion (which is always ultimately a rebellion against yourself and your soul's vision).

You *can* choose differently. You can choose to step off that triangle. And as you do, you'll see:

🌹How much energy is freed up

🌹How much more beautiful life feels

🌹How safe it is to open

🌹How much love there is here for you

🌹How much love is possible to provide for yourself

🌹How much power you truly do have

🌹How possible your vision is

🌹How much more *magic* is created from your powerful choosing

🌹How life can truly transform before you eyes when you *choose* it to - and you can create anything

🌹How deeply you can truly trust yourself (because really your projection of lack of trust of me is always a reflection of your lack of trust of your soul).

I can feel the relief in my heart just flooding in at the rememberance of me choosing this fully for myself.

There's nothing to fight, really - you can choose your way into your power, instead. It requires courage and faith, and - most importantly, deep love - but it is entirely possible. ❤️

Art by: Nicole Barton

if you've any questions, send me an email.

Nicole x