Are you willing to self heal?
“True Self-Healing is being willing to go into our wounds - into the fire - and courageously look them in the eyes, and begin to love those pieces of ourselves back to wholeness”
~ Nicole Barton
ABANDONMENT AND SCARCITY ALCHEMY IN MOTION
The path of reclaiming your unapologetic magic is not easy to walk. I've said it over and over again (I'm pretty sure everyone still thinks I'm joking 😁 likely because the work they've done before is 'Woo Lite' - see my earlier post on this).
I can promise you, though, it really is the truth of it that this work requires all of you (I know it sounds like I'm trying to put you off, but unless you have the fire, it really won't be worth making the journey - I've learned that the hard way). That said, if you ARE here for that deep work, it will also be the most amazing portal to reclaiming the true YOU in your full magical expression (the expression it's been slowly killing you inside to keep hidden). 🖤
To truly become your own healer - and harness your healing gifts for others - you will require a certain level of fire, passion, devotion and courage to embody the vulnerability, truth and depth that we go into. Really, that's what true Self-Healing is: being willing to go into our wounds - into the fire - and courageously look them in the eyes, and begin to love those pieces of ourselves back to wholeness.
🔥And we can't get that from others🔥
I've been in the work of embodying my Queen (Palladia, in Archetypal Apothecary language) for a long time now. Getting to know and love her perfectionism, her power, and her love. And oh my was that a rocky journey. And recently, when I accidentally invoked the Empress - Platina, in Archetypal Apothecary language 😉 - I had no idea that all hell would break loose. [And don't ask how I accidentally dosed her to myself! 🤣]
So much so that it led to me choosing to consciously invoke the Empress as she'd already destructed everything. So, it felt time to choose to embody her gold more consiously and work with her fully. 🦚
That's what I've been doing in this rebirth of Archetypal Apothecary. A 1:1 client recently reflected to me that I'd modelled so beautifully how we can navigate big ruptures - and with people leaving, which could feel so scary - and STILL hold all of that and rebirth ourselves in a way that feels so much juicier, more truthful, more alive and magical. She shared how inspiring that is for others. My heart was so full hearing that, because that's exactly what has happened - the rewards of alchemising our wounds and taking full responsibility for our healing and expansion are that we get to create the most amazing, magical soul led lives. I wouldn't change it for anything.
And still, I'm seeing that there's so much work to do to fully receive that. I'm seeing how even as we create the things we say we want, there's a whole load of wounding in the way of us opening our hearts to the abundance that is there (and the Empress is all about abundance - and unconditional love).
This week I had self-healing alchemy in motion. My partner had meant to finish work early so we could go shopping but there was a misunderstanding and he didn't, which triggered me into my wounding from childhood that "people let me down and I can't trust the abundance that's here". Only this time - because of the Old Stories I've been in the work of illuminating - I was able to choose differently. Instead of my old Secret Witch pattern of deflecting and projecting my triggers, consciously embodying the Empress helped me to choose to walk away for a moment and get some space, in which I saw that I was triggered by my little girl's Pulsatilla abandonment wounding (feeling let down, just as my little girl did each time her Dad didn't show up). I was then able to love those and go back and intimately and vulnerably share how I was feeling - "I'm feeling triggered right now about how my little girl felt that she was always let down" - and ask for a cuddle and some love. Which is exactly what happened - instead of a blazing row. 🔥
This is huge for me - it really is a sign of deep expansion. It does how I've learned to use my fire for love instead of fear.
What I didn't catch in the moment, which I'm seeing now because of my openness to seeing more, is that it sent me into an Old Story of closing my heart to receiving, too. Into that little girl feeling she had to force and push because she was in lack and felt that she couldn't trust. And so, this weekend, I'm tending to that space - because I am consciously open to receiving all the abundance that's here. Including the love of my family and my team's magical support - which is a big one I'm truly appreciative of creating recently.
So, this weekend, I'm choosing to consciously embody the New Stories of my abundant Empress and tend my nervous system to trust that I can receive. I've done that by intentionally and consciously choosing differently (knowing the costs and benefits of that), having a bath with rose oil, listening to my Feminine playlist, singing my Decree of who I'm being, and I've had an hour and a half massage and facial, which I harnessed to embody the feeling of being bathed in gold, too. Oh my, it was pure bliss.
I've also purchased this divinely gorgeous handmade beauty (peacock feather smudge wand ) after the Peacock arrived to me in a vision to let me know that she represents my Empress energy recently. 🦚
And, once again, that *could* all sound like it's all roses - but trust me, it's not. It has taken me courage to dig deep and look my most traumatic wounding - my Old Stories in the eyes, first, before choosing into embodying the New Story. 🌹
It is the *choosing* of it all (even and especially when that's hard because our wounding shows up) that is the deepest work of all. And we cannot outsource that.
There's often a rush to the New Story. Yet, if we skip the darkness, and rely on other healers and their tools - or even work with manifestation and reframing tools and techniques without loving ourselves first in our darkness (which is a real temptation for Secret Witches who don't know their own healing magical powers) - we are simply bypassing the real gold. ✨
And I know that the distraction temptation is there to work with all the healing modalities that outsource your power and magic - but it's one that will have your shadows creating for you, over and over - when in reality, your Palladia Queen could be the one creating real magic in the world, from love, truth and magic.
If you're ready to begin that journey, I'm guiding magical women into the tender first steps in New Year in Invoke Your Wild Apothecary, where we'll be invoking Archetypal remedies that will help you learn to self-heal. If this calls to your soul, it might be worth you listening to and tending the scared parts of you so you can vulnerably and courageously lean in fully. Link in comments, and please reach out if you've any questions.
I'll be here to hold you in love. 🖤✨
Photo: my beautiful Empress peacock smudge wand by Peaceful.spirits 🦚🖊️✨
Art by: Nicole Barton
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
