I'm a different woman to who I was 10 years ago...
I've become a woman who knows how to devote to the life I long for, even amidst the inevitable challenges along the way.
- Nicole Barton
I am a very different woman to the woman that first came to Ubud 10 years ago...🌿♥️
Back then, I was reeling from a traumatic experience that was repeating a pattern from childhood. I had no idea of that at the time, and I just felt so utterly lost, confused, anxious and alone. I was ill with Chronic Fatigue when I arrived, barely able to walk - yet something deep within, something totally unexplainable to anyone else - had nudged me to get on a plane, alone (just after getting married, and a few years before getting divorced), and travel 24 hours across the other side of the world to this magical place.
It wasn't a 'logical' move at all, when I was so ill. I was entirely following the strange call of my soul, and everyone around me thought I was crazy, and worried sick about me.
But I *knew* I had to follow this call to the jungle. I knew I could no longer stay safe in the 'boxed in', mundane life I'd created for myself.
My first visit to Ubud, in Bali was (though I didn't realise at the time) the early phase of a long journey back to my wholeness. An unravelling of my body, mind and soul that began the journey of leading me back home to my true, full expression as the woman and healer I am today.
And so, it feels deeply synchronistic that I'm here again, in Ubud, 10 years on, following another nudge from soul.
It feels deeply magical that the man I was heartbroken over, 10 years ago - when I first arrived here - is the man I'm now marrying in my soul home. The love of my life.
And I can promise, not one bit of the journey here has made any logical sense. It has all been a magical creation of the heart. It has all required deep leaning into trust - a following of the strange, non-sensical calls of soul, even and especially when it makes no sense at all. Just like all the best things.
It's required deep soul *healing* - aka returning to wholeness.
There was a time I thought all of this was impossible - from being with my soul mate to being a healer, to being in Bali. Yet somewhere within, a part of me learned to hold my vision, even (and especially) amidst none of it making sense or seeming possible.
In the last 10 years I have become a different woman - a woman who has created phenomenal transformation and healing. I've become a woman who knows how to fully express my heart and intentionally and consciously create life, rather than floating around feeling at the mercy of my life (as I did back then).
I've become a woman who knows how to devote to the life I long for, even amidst the inevitable challenges along the way.
I've become a woman that serves medicine through my stories and the way I live, that activates others into their own gifts.
And for some of that learning, I have Mama Bali to thank - and specifically Ubud. I was reminded this morning in my yoga practice that "Ubud" literally means "medicine" - and there's something deeply special about this place that activates this medicinal healing part of me. 'Medicine' is my soul gift (my medicine name is Alchemilla of Ancient Healing Truth) so it makes sense that Ubud feels so deeply like home to me.
I'm so grateful for the magic in this jungle, with it's daily offerings and rituals, its constant reminder to go slower, and its deep medicine. If there's one thing this magical, medicinal place has taught me, it's that we can heal our lives and become who our soul was born to be. Ubud has taught me over and over again that there's a whole world out there, and there is always a new possibility - a new choice, or a new invitation from soul - to be created.
We are only ever one choice away from an entirely new, magical life. From being the women we truly long to be.
And, in my experience, the more we follow the strangest of soul nudges, the more deeply we end up being rewarded with healing and expansion.
It often takes the deepest courage to make the leaps that lead us home - yet it's worth it.
Here's to the featherbed that is inevitably there when we leap (even and especially when we doubt it) ♥️
All my love,
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
