Where does your suppressed energy need freeing up with some deep energetic healing?
“It is always our shadow - our suppression - that takes our life force energy and has us feel low in energy.”
~ Nicole Barton
The Secret Witch's (mine and my women's) deepest fears are often helplessness and failure. These are the ones that usually stop my women from taking aligned-action in the direction of soul. It is often what has them not choose themselves and the deep work. Their fear of losing energy by choosing into aligned-actions is a big one.
And I'll be completely honest, at times, I have found it hard to see why women often aren't as devoted to soul as I am, because devotion is a completely unconscious competence for me; but fear of failure and helplessness, on the other hand, are ones I know deeply well. And this reminds me of the fear that can come up along the journey, and drops me straight into compassion.
I've felt a deep fear of failure and a deep shadow of helplessness throughout my life, and so it's no surprise to me that my women have these fears too. These fears have showed up each time I've committed to my business, and even now, as my vision expands, I feel shadow fears, that I choose to keep loving myself through and keep taking the next aligned-action.
And still, there are times when this can show in new ways, and it showed again, this week, as I approached my Sepia initiation - as I Mother Lily alone, because My Love was in Los Angeles. My deepest fear was that I wouldn't be 'capable' of solo parenting, that I'd not have enough energy and I'd fail. Worse - that my body would fail me. And so, knowing that the only way to expand is through, I consciously chose to submit to this week as an initiation - and oh was it powerful.
What's interesting to me, though, is that, one night night, I awoke with a really strong sense of an abundance of energy. I was transported, energetically, into a younger time in my life, pre-Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, where I had a deep abundance of energy. And I saw that, whilst I can often fear a lack of energy, nothing has really changed - that energy can't just disappear, I've just been using it for shadow instead of soul.
I revisited my birth in my mind, and I saw that there was a familiar story of "I can't do this" that showed up, with a sense of my body not being physically capable. And I realised, in this younger version of me, where I had an abundance of energy, I somewhere learned that my body couldn't be trusted to create what it needed.
This week, I've cooked, I've done washing (albeit setting fire to my washing, but that's another story!), I've cleaned, I've bathed, I've changed nappies, I've fed, I've carried a heavy lump in my arms, I've walked 10k steps a day entertaining Lily on wild walks, and swimming and being out with my amazing Mothering Village (which my Secret Witch didn't see she had).
I've used the most energy I've ever had to use. And I feel great. Alive, even. Juicy, radiant, glowing, joyful.
It strikes me that my initiation has already begun to alchemise my old stories of "I can't" and "my energy is limited" and "I will fail" into "my energy is abundant and I can truly do anything my soul longs for".
I'd dreaded this week, and it's already revealed more of my power to me. But, more importantly, its shown me that when living fully from soul, energy - or our life force, as the Remedies of the Wild show us - is always abundant. And this is huge.
It's huge to see for me, and it's also huge for my women, as they often feel exhausted and burned out - and the first place they (I) begin to look when they are here, usually, is in rebelling against the way they are currently living their lives - often, innocently, blaming the external. Which really only has us in the opposite end of the shadow pole.
The lesson is, just because we might feel a lack of energy when we are in shadow, doesn't mean it isn't there; we are energetic beings and it can't just disappear. It's just that we are unconsciously expressing or energy differently, in shadowy ways we don't desire - often because our focus is on shadow rather than soul.
Those period pains, they're expressing what wants to be seen. That paralysed face, it's a call to full expression of power (or it was to me anyway). That frustration, it's a call to live from soul.
It is always our shadow - our suppression - that takes our life force energy and has us feel low in energy. I'd seen this before but not quite as cleanly as I'm seeing and feeling it now.
And one of the biggest shadows for me is the story of "I can't, in case I fail". It's no surprise to be that this is the very story I felt giving birth a few years ago, and that now, in conscious initiation, I'm seeing more truth.
It is the healing alchemy of all of these old stories of powerlessness that has me begin to feel that abundance of energy this week, and so it's no wonder I'm feeling that life force, burning more abundantly than ever. And it's also no wonder I returned to a specific point in time to feel that energetic release; this can often happen in our healing in this path. I know that magic is happening here with my Sepia remedy, as I feel the energy shift.
Where do you (innocently) limit your energy? And where do you need healing, to free that life-force back up?
I'll be guiding women into Invoking their Wild Apothecary this November, to help them learn to become their own remedies and how to unsuppress their life force energy by healing some of the main layers of shadow that often hold the Secret Witch back.
If you’re feeling called, the link is in the button below.
Art by: Midnight Moon Visuals
if you've any questions, send me an email.
Nicole x
